The Swan Read online

  “Same thing happened to me. My best friend talked me into coming and then she got called to do a conference she’s been wanting to do her whole life, so she had to go. I couldn’t blame her, but here I am alone.”

  We’re both alone, he thought.

  They stared at each other for a long beat, each of their eyes making it clear they were on the same page.

  “So,” he began.

  “Looks like we are in the same boat,” They both smiled, pleased with the pun and with the possibilities.

  “Yeah. Maybe after we get unpacked, you might want to meet up for drinks.”

  She smiled. Her dimples were deep and groovy.

  “I’d like that.”

  Just when he was going to get her information, he watched the light in her eyes dim, which he noted were focused over his left shoulder.

  He turned to see what was threatening to ruin his groove and saw Toya, his old classmate and ex-girlfriend, standing there with a scowl that she quickly replaced with a predatory smile when she noticed him observing her. He wondered why she’d look at the beautiful woman that way and then chucked it up to her just being territorial, though he had long since been out of Toya’s clutches.

  Before he could even turn back to Ms. Dimples, she slid off the stool and fled from the bar. Her sweet scent from whatever perfume she wore stayed with him as Toya walked over to him with a satisfied smirk.

  “Hey, Mikhail.”

  “Toya,” was all he could say as his mood shifted. He’d not really wanted to be here, but for the past five minutes, he imagined this might be a different type of trip. A trip where he could let his libido go for hours at a time while the ship rocked towards paradise.

  “That’s the only greeting you have for me after everything we used to be?” Toya’s beautiful face was twisted into a scowl, but he didn’t care.

  He wanted to point out that used to was the point because everything they were was the past, but he decided not to go there. This would be a long cruise and not the pleasurable kind of long either.

  “How are you, Toya?”

  “I’m great now that I see you here. I was hoping you would come. What I didn’t expect was to see you chummed up with Nova, the scum.”

  And just like that, he now understood why she was familiar.

  The moniker Nova, the scum always made him feel like he was the scum. It was unfair, and just plain cruel. He remembered the day he felt like he treated her unkindly too.

  He and Toya had been making out in the janitor’s closet when there was a knock on the door. It was Cassie, Toya’s friend.

  “Y’all need to break it up. Mr. Floyd is coming.”

  Mikhail willed his libido to calm down so his erection would leave. He watched Toya wipe the smudged lipstick from around her lips before reaching up to wipe it from his mouth and chin. They listened to the heavy steps from Mr. Floyd and when the sound disappeared, they both rushed out.

  Toya hurried off to the bathroom and he was on his way to his locker when he bumped into Nova. He now recalls thinking that if her teeth were straightened and she didn’t have those god-awful coke bottle glasses, she might actually be pretty, but Toya, now out of the bathroom and a few of her friends happened upon them and start teasing her. He watched the light go out of Nova’s face and though he didn’t join in, he didn’t stop them either.

  “Did you get a chance to look at the itinerary for tonight?” She asked. Her breath teased his ear, but instead of it stroking his libido, it turned him off. He pulled away, which earned a frown from her.

  “Nah, not yet. I still need to unpack. They held my luggage so long, I worried I brought on contraband.”

  “I could always come and help you. Just give me your cabin number.”

  “Toya, I’m good. Hey, let me get going.” Immediately, he began seeing the disadvantages of being on this trip. It’s not like he can lie and say he had to roll. Where was he going when you are in the middle of the ocean? So, instead of making anything up, he just departed, leaving her standing there.

  He wasn’t sure what it was about Toya that made him flee. In high school, she was all he and every other warm-blooded male in high school could see. Butterscotch complexion, silky chestnut brown hair that reached mid-back, small but heart-shaped ass. Mikhail knew that his whole football team jerked off to thoughts of Toya, but she had been his. In the beginning, that seemed to be a blessing; after while though, he started to pick up the expression that everything that glitters ain’t gold. She was pretty on the outside, but not at all on the inside, and eventually nothing could hide it. The day she teased Nova in front of him might have been the last straw.

  It wasn’t that he felt particularly compelled to defend Nova because if he had, he would have failed at that since he did nothing. It was watching Nova’s face recoil from the taunts, watching her eyes water, and then this mask replace it as if they’d wiped any hope from her eyes; that was horrible. And he just stood by.

  Periodically, he would think of her and that moment when he could have been a better person towards her but chose not to be. As was typical with most after graduation, there’s no contact with classmates and no opportunity to see where life has taken them.

  If not for class reunions and Facebook, how would we know whatever happened to the person that had been your closest friend for those four years of your existence. Part of what he was dreading had been coming face-to-face with the people he had been his worst with, and not being sure if they were still those people.

  Seeing Toya now made it clear she was still that person. She had not changed a bit. Unlike Nova, she had changed in almost every way on the outside.

  He was more than intrigued.

  Chapter Three

  Running into Mikhail on the ship was not expected, though there was a quiet part of her that had secretly hoped she would.

  Not a quiet part, Nova, you wanted him here so he could make your wet dreams come true, a voice taunted.

  Ignoring the voice, she reflected on the truth that made her comfortable. Nova didn’t take him as the type to go on cruise ships, though she wasn’t sure who would have been the type. Though the entire class was invited, she assumed so many of her classmates would not attend just like she hadn’t planned on attending and now after running into him and then Toya, she wished she didn’t care so much about that damn painting that Debbie dangled in her face.

  At the time, she thought the most challenging part would be dealing with Toya and her minions, not Mikhail. It wasn’t as if she could ask, “Who’s all over there?” He just hadn’t ever struck her as the type to be into being on a large boat floating around with music and booze. Maybe the booze part, but the rest of it, no. She was surprisingly mistaken and when he started making small talk with her at the bar, she began to feel that high school crush all over again, even though she knew she shouldn’t have. Mikhail, though cute and, at times, kind to her, he’d also aligned himself with the crew of students that seemed intent on terrorizing her. Toya was the ringleader and by her being Mikhail’s girlfriend, the two of them were often in close proximity to each when the taunting took place.

  She could remember once looking to him for some help and found his eyes sad and then drifting away to avoid her judgement.

  It was then that she saw him differently because there was intent of avoidance. He was not going to save her from this and that’s because he wasn’t who she thought he was.

  After disappointment washed over her, she fled from the, “Nova the scum remarks”.

  All these years later, she could feel the taste of her tears as they leaked into the crevices of her lips. She stood in the bathroom stall hoping to escape the mocking, though they were stuck in her mind long after the voices of the perpetrators were gone.

  When she finally made it out of the stall, it was to find Debbie waiting.

  Debbie had been the unexpected friend that made life more bearable. She was outgoing, almost bubbly in her affect, and she was a life saver. She
pulled Nova out from the darkness many times and helped her find her confidence when it didn’t seem to be any inside of her. Debbie, in combination with a few years of therapy, helped Nova to become confident in not only her appearance but also in how to navigate life.

  It took time, but she finally got there; to a good place. So, why was it that she cowered when she saw Toya all these years later?

  She supposed it was because no matter how many exercises she completed to face her demons, she hadn’t actually faced the demon named Toya.

  Even making it that extreme made her cringe. Even thinking about the confrontation a moment ago made her uncomfortable because she had been able to exist and build her self-esteem without interference of all the teenagers that harassed her years ago.

  Her therapist had suggested a couple of years ago that she attend a class reunion to confront those that teased her.

  “You want me to get in a fight with them, Dr. Jones?” Nova asked incredulously.

  “Of course not. I want you to be yourself, be the strong woman you are today despite their teasing. Your confidence today will show them you were not broken. This is more about you than them.”

  “And what happens if they go right back to teasing me?” Nova was almost certain they would. Certain those mean teenagers would grow up to be mean adults.

  “Then you show them you know better about yourself. Practice those affirmations we’ve been using during our sessions to fortify your countenance. You’ve got this.”

  But Nova didn’t have it.

  She skipped out on attending last year, with no plans to ever do as Dr. Jones had recommended until Deb came to her with the harebrained plan that she attend the cruise to sell some art. Now, in hindsight, she realized she was just trying to see Mikhail. That’s why she had the dream. That’s why she didn’t put up so much resistance. That’s why she would have followed him to his suite if he had the opportunity to ask, but he hadn’t gotten the opportunity because of Toya.

  Nova knew he didn’t know who she was and she didn’t know how to tell him. His obvious attraction to her was empowering, intoxicating even.

  She didn’t want to ruin the groove by pointing out, “Remember me? I’m Nova, the girl you barely glanced at in high school.” So yeah, she might have wanted to wait to mention it, but she never got the chance. To be honest, she was relieved. Now she could do everything in her power to avoid him and Toya, who he apparently was there to see.

  Alone my ass.

  Chapter Four

  Somehow, despite her trying everything she could to avoid him, they ended up at the same muster station for the drill where all passengers were required to attend.

  The deck was crowded with people just as grumpy as she was, to be pushed together like sardines, but he was taller than them. His height, the neat short twists in his kinky hair and his masculinity made him stick out and for some reason, he seemed to sense her watching him. He turned, smiled and came her way.

  “I’m sorry about Toya,” he said without any preamble.

  “There’s nothing to apologize for,” she lied. The apology was needed, but not from him and not for today. Toya hadn’t uttered a word.

  The past was what she was hung up on.

  “She may not have said a word, but when I realized who you were, I knew why her presence made you bolt.”

  “Yeah well, we are on this ship together. I have to get over it, right?”

  “I hope you can,” he said with a hopeful look in his eyes that oddly made her feel good inside. Like he wasn’t so confident that he knew he could have her. Instead, he hoped he could have her.

  “I really do want us to spend time together on this vacation. We seemed to be having a moment earlier.”

  “That was before you found out you were talking to Nova the scum.”

  “Hey! That’s not what I called you then or now.” His voice was firm, his eyes sincere.

  “But did you ever stop it? Did you ever speak up?”

  She was angry and realized for the first time that her anger was all directed at him. It wasn’t about Toya. It was about the boy she had a crush on, allowing the rest of them to gang up on her.

  He was silent as more people filed in as they awaited further instructions.

  “No, I didn’t and that was wrong of me. I just wanted you to know that I never agreed with the cruel words. You were beautiful even then.” He walked away, but not far enough away that she couldn’t see him.

  Her therapist’s words came to mind, “You have to confront your fear of moving on. As you hold on to your anger, it just validates your need to stay the victim of it. However, if you can confront it, you allow yourself to heal and move on in the knowledge that those words were never true. They hold no power.”

  A surprised Mikhail turned to the tap on his shoulder and looked down upon her upturned face.

  “Why don’t we hang out for a little while? See if we can make the most of this cruise neither of us wanted to come on.” His broad smile expressed his agreement,

  For the remainder of that day, the two were tight; they went to the casino, headed to the buffet for dinner instead of the dining room at their assigned times. They hung by the Lido Deck and swayed to the music before going to the top deck to look out at the stars. They leaned in close to each other to talk privately, their eyes communicating how comfortable they were feeling with each other. Out there with the vast expanse of water surrounding them, Nova seemed to forget about Toya and about all of the scheduled events they were supposed to attend since this was in fact a reunion cruise. For a few days, it was just them. Even in Nassau, they didn’t break stride.

  She learned that Mikhail was more than all right with her, at least for this brief vacation.

  Cruise ships aren’t often seen as places where romances bloom, but there were plenty of opportunities for that. Outside of the main dining room where you share the space with sometimes thousands of other diners, there were specialty restaurants that could help any couple achieve the ambience that they desired.

  Mikhail told her he had arranged dinner for the two of them at Chop’s Grille, which also specialized in surf and turf. He grabbed her from her cabin at seven for their seven-thirty reservation. After walking around the ship for a little while and talking about what they still wanted to discover on this cruise, they headed to the restaurant that was eager to seat them and fill them with culinary delights.

  He reached for her hand as they walked to their table. She took it and immediately felt that tingle again running up her arm. She looked at him and noticed that he was watching her too. She wondered if he’d felt what moved between then, but had no time to deliberate on it.

  The place was elegant, which made her glad that she had chosen to dress up in the only formal wear Debbie was able to convince her to pack. The setting was intimate with low-key lighting and candles adorning the tables as centerpieces. They were led to a secluded table in the back near a large window that looked out at the ocean. The waves rolled as the ship continued its voyage in paradise.

  After he helped her to get settled in her chair, he moved to sit across from her, and then they were given wine suggestions by the waiter. They made their choices, with her selecting white wine and Mikhail selecting Stella Artois.

  She raised her brow at his choice and he chuckled and said, “I’m more of a beer kind of man. Wine, not so much.” He paused for a moment, regarding the atmosphere and then asked, “So, how do you like it here?”

  She took a moment to look at the other cruisers, noticing that the mood was very mellow. The voices were mostly hushed and besides the normal tinkles and clanks of glasses and silverware, it was quiet. Most of them seemed engrossed in their own intimate world, but a few women who were bold, considering that they looked to be on dates themselves, were looking at Mikhail. She couldn’t blame them. Not for the first time did she admire how handsome he was in his charcoal grey pants, buttoned down black shirt and black pinstriped sports coat. He looked debonair an
d she knew this man didn’t have to try at it. His cologne was intoxicating, rendering her stupid enough to want to lean into him as they walked the deck towards dinner. The attention he was getting seemed to go unnoticed by him though; that or he didn’t care. Both of which were fine with her. “It’s very nice. I like what I see so far. What made you choose this place and not the other specialty restaurants?”

  Before he could answer, they were interrupted by the assistant waiter; he poured her wine while the waiter appeared with Mikhail’s beer, letting them know he’d give them some time to look over their menus.

  “Only because I heard it was the best place to take a woman you wanted to treat special. At least that’s what one of the waiters in the dining room told me.”

  Nova smiled, happy her skin tone made it impossible for him to see how warm her face had become. He seemed to sense it anyway as they stared at each other for a charged moment.

  She decided on the seared sea scallops with tomato pesto, crab potato hash, and sautéed spinach. Mikhail ordered filet mignon and stuffed shrimp with steamed vegetables and mashed potatoes.

  Once they were alone again, there was a moment of awkward silence but then he chose to finger her red gauze wrap she wore with her little black dress, internally thanking Debbie for harassing her to pack that too.

  They talked about their jobs, his as a salesman of luxury cars. Hers as a curator, collector and vendor of art.

  “Do you remember I used to paint when we went to Blythe?” He asked her.

  She did remember it vaguely but was also struggling with the idea that he thought they could speak about high school like she didn’t suffer for it. She was determined not to ruin dinner so she smiled and admitted, “Yeah, I kind of do.”

  He seemed pleased.

  “Do you still paint?” She asked him, not wanting to consider why her approval or her ability to remember things about him would even matter to him. What she was slowly picking up, is Mikhail was not who she had originally pegged him as. He was much more. However, she wasn’t ready to completely abandon her fears. Holding onto just an ounce of them could save her from embarrassment.